Isadorable
Leader Of Men
Magic is Everywhere
Posts: 304
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Post by Isadorable on Apr 27, 2009 19:20:38 GMT -7
Hehehe! I heard a version of this joke when I was about 17. When I saw it I just HAD to post it!
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Post by < Craig > on Nov 14, 2010 15:23:45 GMT -7
Rofl , great jokes , i will add some soon
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Post by < Craig > on Nov 14, 2010 15:27:16 GMT -7
Not a joke but i found it amusing
AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES : THESE REALLY WORK!!
1.. TO AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES, GET SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. TO AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT - USE THE SINK.
3. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
4. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES - YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
5. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE..
6. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN THE STAIRS..
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Post by Becca on Nov 15, 2010 4:26:01 GMT -7
Great additions. Keep 'em coming!
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Post by < Craig > on Nov 17, 2010 6:44:34 GMT -7
A Canadian is cleaning his rifle and accidentally shoots his wife. He immediately dials 999.
Canadian: ''It's my wife! I've accidentally shot her, I've killed her!''
Operator: ''Please calm down Sir, can you first make sure she is actually dead!''
*click* *BANG*
Canadian : ''Okay, done that. What next?''
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Post by Becca on Nov 17, 2010 12:03:54 GMT -7
LOL! That's funny!
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Post by < Craig > on Dec 7, 2010 7:00:52 GMT -7
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?' 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
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Post by Becca on Dec 23, 2010 19:05:08 GMT -7
Ha ha ha! Good one. Keep 'em coming!
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Post by < Craig > on Jul 21, 2011 22:57:15 GMT -7
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him out of 10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks is that he embezzled from me." The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is. Enzo signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's temple and says, "Ask him again!" The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Enzo signs back, "OK. You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's backyard in Woodbridge !" The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
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Post by Becca on Nov 1, 2011 20:07:00 GMT -7
BWAHAHAHAHA! Another good one. Thanks, Craig, I needed that laugh after the few days I've had.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on May 21, 2012 0:33:22 GMT -7
How To Cook A Turkey
Step 1 - Remove the turkey from the refrigerator. Step 2 - Take a drink of whiskey Step 3 - Place the turkey in the oven Step 4 - Take another 2 drinks of whiskey Step 5 - Turn oven the on Step 6 - Take 3 more whiskeys of drink Step 7 - Set the degree at 375 ovens Step 8 - Take 4 whisks of drinky Step 9 - Turk the bastey Step 10 - Whiskey another bottle of get Step 11 - Stick a turkey in the thermometer Step 12 - Glass yourself a pour of whiskey Step 13 - Bake the whiskey for 4 hours Step 14 - Take the oven out of the turkey Step 15 - Floor the turkey up of the pick Step 16 - Turk the carvey Step 17 - Hands blood wash off; place Aid Bands on cuts Step 18 - Get you another scottle of botch Step 19 - Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey Step 20 - Bless the saying, pass and eat out
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Post by Becca on May 22, 2012 11:10:11 GMT -7
LOL! Now I know what I've been doing wrong with my turkey every year.
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