Isadorable
Leader Of Men
Magic is Everywhere
Posts: 304
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Post by Isadorable on Apr 3, 2009 21:41:05 GMT -7
A blonde walks into a casino in Los Vegas. She walks up and down the aisles looking at all the games, the slot machines, black jack tables, roulette wheels.
After she's looked everything over, she finds a stool and sits in front of a Coke machine. She drops in two quarters, gets a Coke and sets it down. Drops in two quarters, gets a Coke and sets it down. Over and over.
After a while the casino security notices her and sends and officer to investigate. The officer approaches her and says, "Pardon me, miss. What are you doing?"
She looks up at him and rolls her eyes, replying... "Duh! I'm WINNING!"
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Post by Becca on Apr 5, 2009 14:39:08 GMT -7
That's a good one! I love blonde jokes. Ha ha ha!
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Isadorable
Leader Of Men
Magic is Everywhere
Posts: 304
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Post by Isadorable on Apr 7, 2009 8:42:31 GMT -7
Thanks, Becca! And in that case....
Two blondes are out in the car for a little drive in the country. As they drive they pass beautiful rolling fields of wheat, swaying in the breezes, as far as they can see on both sides of the road.
In the middle of one of these fields is a third blonde in a row boat, paddling her heart out.
The blondes in the car see her and look at each other in disgust. One says, "Its blondes like that who give us all a bad name!"
The other replies, "I know! And if I could swim, I'd kick her ass!"
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Post by Becca on Apr 11, 2009 20:25:58 GMT -7
HA HA HA! That was GREAT! Here's one that I've known for a long time: A blonde was in her car, driving along when she noticed flashing lights behind her. With a sigh, she pulled over and waited to see what she had been doing wrong. She rolled down her window and tapped her fingers on the steering wheel as the police officer made his way toward the door. Seeing that she was blonde, the officer unzips his pants and lays his junk over the open window. The blonde turns to him and whines: Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!
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Isadorable
Leader Of Men
Magic is Everywhere
Posts: 304
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Post by Isadorable on Apr 11, 2009 21:41:40 GMT -7
ROFL!! Very funny! Why don't blondes use vibrators? Chips their teeth!
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Post by (¯`•Stormraven•._) on Apr 12, 2009 10:34:13 GMT -7
<lame>What do you call a fish without an eye? a fsh</lame>
>.>
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Post by Becca on Apr 12, 2009 15:25:40 GMT -7
LMAO! That was hilarious, Stormraven! I love lame jokes.
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Isadorable
Leader Of Men
Magic is Everywhere
Posts: 304
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Post by Isadorable on Apr 15, 2009 9:56:15 GMT -7
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
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Post by Becca on Apr 19, 2009 19:43:56 GMT -7
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Isadorable
Leader Of Men
Magic is Everywhere
Posts: 304
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Post by Isadorable on Apr 20, 2009 7:54:26 GMT -7
Heehee! I thought it was so funny too! I don't mean to write up all blonde jokes..... they are my favorite though, being a blonde, but I'm sure I'll run out of them soon! Maybe....
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed...
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."
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Post by Becca on Apr 20, 2009 19:50:33 GMT -7
Just goes to show you that not all blondes are dumb. ;D I don't mind the blonde jokes at all.
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Isadorable
Leader Of Men
Magic is Everywhere
Posts: 304
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Post by Isadorable on Apr 20, 2009 21:22:35 GMT -7
Tee hee! I can't help the blonde jokes. Here's one I found thats NOT a blonde joke, finally....
A newly retired gentleman goes to the social security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asks him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looks in his pockets and realizes he has forgotten his wallet. He tells the woman that he is very sorry but he seems to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." He says.
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me." And she completes his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She listens to his story and replies, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too."
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Post by Becca on Apr 23, 2009 16:43:33 GMT -7
LMAO! That's another good one!
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Isadorable
Leader Of Men
Magic is Everywhere
Posts: 304
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Post by Isadorable on Apr 25, 2009 21:18:41 GMT -7
One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about and it will only costs you $10.00."
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
1. You have tennis elbow. 2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. 3. It will be better in two weeks.......
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.
He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:
1. Your tap water is too hard. 2. Get a water softener. 3. Your dog has ringworm. 4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. 5. Your daughter is using cocaine. 6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. 7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. 8. If you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get better.
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Post by Becca on Apr 27, 2009 14:18:36 GMT -7
Ha ha ha! Now that is funny!
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