|
Post by Becca on Sept 4, 2006 21:07:15 GMT -7
LMELFAO! That's a good one, I've seen it once before. Every time I read it, I can't help but laugh hard. I LOVE IT! ;D
|
|
|
Post by Becca on Sept 5, 2006 13:21:03 GMT -7
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young MBA fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"
The candidate said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"
And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it." :DD
|
|
|
Post by liel on Sept 10, 2006 13:14:18 GMT -7
Husband Wanted A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED! MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you.... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!" She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!" She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
|
|
|
Post by Becca on Sept 10, 2006 14:02:19 GMT -7
Ha ha ha! That's great!
A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.
She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter.
After much thought, she finally came up with the old fashioned term "Bathroom closet" but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.
"Does the camping ground have it's own B.C." is what she wrote.
Well, the camping ground owner wasn't a bit old fashioned, and he just couldn't figure out what the old lady was talking about, so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C. stood for Baptist Church, so he wrote the following reply.
Dear Madam,
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.
I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.
The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.
I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.
As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather. If you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks.
Remember this is a very friendly community. ;D
|
|
|
Post by liel on Sept 14, 2006 1:29:27 GMT -7
51 Days A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed children's jigsaw puzzle. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?" The blonde who brought in the picture explains, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. "The side of the box said 2 to 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!"
|
|
PoeT
Hot-To-Trot
Posts: 669
|
Post by PoeT on Nov 4, 2006 12:00:18 GMT -7
Fridays In Hell
One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.
The demon asked, "Why so glum?"
The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"
"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."
"Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"
The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."
"You a smoker?" the demon asked.
"You better believe it!"
"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?"
"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"
The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."
"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."
"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. You into drugs?"
The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."
"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"
"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"
The demon said, "You gay?"
"No."
"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!"
|
|
|
Post by Becca on Nov 4, 2006 15:06:55 GMT -7
Ha ha ha ha! That's hilarious! Funny joke, P0et. Thanks for sharing!
|
|
|
Post by ~*Shannon*~ on Apr 26, 2007 7:45:05 GMT -7
ROFL!!!! Those were hilarious!!!!!
|
|
j3lu
Leader Of Men
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice
Posts: 455
|
Post by j3lu on Apr 29, 2008 4:24:45 GMT -7
Break the news Western Australia Chair-sniffing politician breaks downChair-sniffing politician breaks down West Australian Opposition Leader Troy Buswell has broken down while admitting he sniffed the chair of a female Liberal Party staffer. news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=453980
|
|
|
Post by Becca on May 7, 2008 10:35:12 GMT -7
An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey.
He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and> laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to.'
A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing.
When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun.
The old man asked, 'Did you ever French kiss a mule square in the ass?'
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, 'No. But I've always wanted to.'
The lessons from this story are: 1. Don't waste ammunition. 2. Don't mess with old people.
|
|
j3lu
Leader Of Men
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice
Posts: 455
|
Post by j3lu on May 7, 2008 11:10:35 GMT -7
That nice “A day in the far west “ For the next one!! who will be next: :utoh
|
|
j3lu
Leader Of Men
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice
Posts: 455
|
Post by j3lu on May 13, 2008 9:33:25 GMT -7
Untold M, is a joke, withM in word? [/u] M is the first letter we pronounced Baby Right. M is I Mportent to us, A M[/size], I right? YES, got it, great. Other words with M[/size] sound likely; M[/size]a M[/size], M[/size]adre, M[/size]o M[/size]u M[/size].[/size] OK Let’s Go The Joke Of The Century is now open to all [/size] Write down, some ENGLISH words, containing "M ". No need colorful red around, if, I did, it was for my presentation. However, if you want you can do it too. [/size][/left]
|
|
|
Post by Becca on Nov 8, 2008 12:39:01 GMT -7
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. 'Oh, I really liked it,' she replied, 'especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.' Dumbfounded, her date asked, 'What do you mean?' 'Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!
|
|
|
Post by CåñåÐå™ on Nov 8, 2008 13:09:05 GMT -7
Good joke Becca .
|
|
..::XuzI::..
Damned Good
Can't..Stop..Posting!
[D3v:xmsteel]
Posts: 1,320
|
Post by ..::XuzI::.. on Nov 8, 2008 16:51:06 GMT -7
LOL BECCA
|
|